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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The Best 50 of Murphy's Law

The Best 50 of Murphy's Law



You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.


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Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.


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Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.


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Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.


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If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.


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The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.


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The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.


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An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.


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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.


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All great discoveries are made by mistake.


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Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.


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Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.


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All's well that ends.


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A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.


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The first myth of management is that it exists.


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A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.


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New systems generate new problems.


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To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.


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We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.


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Any given program, when running, is obsolete.


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Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.


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A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.


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The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.


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Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.


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Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.


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The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.


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To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.


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After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.


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Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.


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A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.


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If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.


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Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.


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Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."


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Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.


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If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.


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The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.


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In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. On Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. On Monday.


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Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.


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All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.


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The only perfect science is hind-sight.


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Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.


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If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.


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If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.


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When all else fails, read the instructions.


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If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.


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Everything that goes up must come down.


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Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.


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Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.


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Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.


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The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.


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Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.

 

 

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

LETTER TO PRIME MINISTER

Dear Mr. Prime minister
I am a typical mouse from Mumbai. In the local train compartment which
has capacity of 100 persons, I travel with 500 more mouse. Mouse at
least squeak but we don't even do that.
Today I heard your speech. In which you said 'NO BODY WOULD BE
SPARED'. I would like to remind you that fourteen years has passed
since serial bomb blast in Mumbai took place. Dawood was the main
conspirator. Till today he is not caught. All our bolywood actors, our
builders, our Gutka king meets him but your Government can not catch
him. Reason is simple; all your ministers are hand in glove with him.
If any attempt is made to catch him everybody will be exposed. Your
statement 'NOBODY WOULD BE SPARED' is nothing but a cruel joke on this
unfortunate people of India.

Enough is enough. As such after seeing terrorist attack carried out by
about a dozen young boys I realize that if same thing continues days
are not away when terrorist will attack by air, destroy our nuclear
reactor and there will be one more Hiroshima.

We the people are left with only one mantra. Womb to Bomb to Tomb. You
promised Mumbaikar Shanghai what you have given us is Jalianwala Baug.

Today only your home minister resigned. What took you so long to kick
out this joker? Only reason was that he was loyal to Gandhi family.
Loyalty to Gandhi family is more important than blood of innocent
people, isn't it?

I am born and bought up in Mumbai for last fifty eight years. Believe
me corruption in Maharashtra is worse than that in Bihar. Look at all
the politician, Sharad Pawar, Chagan Bhujbal, Narayan Rane, Bal
Thackray , Gopinath Munde, Raj Thackray, Vilasrao Deshmukh all are
rolling in money. Vilasrao Deshmukh is one of the worst Chief minister
I have seen. His only business is to increase the FSI every other day,
make money and send it to Delhi so Congress can fight next election.
Now the clown has found new way and will increase FSI for fisherman so
they can build concrete house right on sea shore. Next time terrorist
can comfortably live in those house , enjoy the beauty of sea and then
attack the Mumbai at their will.

Recently I had to purchase house in Mumbai. I met about two dozen
builders. Everybody wanted about 30% in black. A common person like me
knows this and with all your intelligent agency & CBI you and your
finance minister are not aware of it. Where all the black money goes?
To the underworld isn't it? Our politicians take help of these goondas
to vacate people by force. I myself was victim of it. If you have time
please come to me, I will tell you everything.

If this has been land of fools, idiots then I would not have ever
cared to write you this letter. Just see the tragedy, on one side we
are reaching moon, people are so intelligent and on other side you
politician has converted nectar into deadly poison. I am everything
Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Schedule caste, OBC, Muslim OBC, Christian
Schedule caste, Creamy Schedule caste only what I am not is INDIAN.
You politician have raped every part of mother India by your policy of
divide and rule.

Take example of former president Abdul Kalam. Such a intelligent
person, such a fine human being. You politician didn't even spare him.
Your party along with opposition joined the hands, because politician
feels they are supreme and there is no place for good person.

Dear Mr Prime minister you are one of the most intelligent person,
most learned person. Just wake up. First and foremost expose all
selfish politician. Ask Swiss bank to give name of all Indian account
holder. Give reins of CBI to independent agency. Let them find wolf
among us. There will be political upheaval but that will better than
dance of death which we are witnessing every day. Just give us ambient
where we can work honestly and without fear. Let there be rule of law.
Everything else will be taken care of.

Choice is yours Mr. Prime Minister. Do you want to be lead by one
person or you want to lead the nation of 100 Crore people?

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